Chapter Fourteen The Dreaded "F" Word

THE DREADED “F” WORD!

Got ya! It’s FEAR. At least it is for me (and I’m being told that it is for everyone). So, after I added the Layer of Trust to my painting I took time (or tried to take time) to allow my body to catch up yesterday. By allowing myself to go deeper and farther than I have previously I came upon, or more accurately, tripped over and fell headlong into a vestigial pocket (okay, fairly deep well) of FEAR. Today our offering and gift to each of you is to allow you to watch me and feel me move through this fear to the knowing that is on the other side and in so watching and feeling, we will shift your fear too. Wow! Let’s hope this works.

Just to let you know, I’m bringing out the big guns for this one. I brought the candle, the incense, my two “special” crystals and the symphony for the Nine Dimensions into the office to keep me company as I type.

I experienced the FEAR yesterday as a cognitive process. I spent time fearing for my financial welfare and that of my son and during a rip-roaring wind storm last night, as fear for my safety which I realize, as I type this, is all one and the same. Today I am experiencing the fear as more of a physical sensation. I feel it as an itch located somewhere just beyond a place that can be reached and so, cannot be scratched or alleviated, and believe me, it is incredibly annoying. So, I’m just going to sit here and feel that for a minute.

Not to be unduly gross or crude, but I feel this intensely in my Root Chakra. It actually feels the way I used to feel during my undergraduate years at the University of Wisconsin in April when the sun would shine and the air was warm for the first time after a long winter. I called it Spring Fever and I was so horney I could have jumped a tree, a big tree. I clearly have some big fear energy that is stuck and is keeping me stuck and I’m talking to it, saying “No” to fear and “Yes” to life; “No” to fear and “Yes” to creation.

Looking deeply inside at this fear, I can see that I have used it to keep myself from going forward as fully and connectedly as I might have. I have used it as an anchor to keep myself from making “more mistakes”. I can see that I have allowed other peoples’ definitions of “mistakes” to keep me from my root, my knowing, and my creation. And this is shifting for all of us as I sit and feel and type. No wonder I’m exhausted, I have been keeping this wonderful beautiful wellspring of energy dammed up to enshrine some fear of moving forward.

As I claim or reclaim all of myself, right this moment, I want to suck the entire Universe up inside my Vagina and experience it from within and without that sacred place. Like a baby who puts everything inside its mouth so as to fully savor and experience it, so I will experience the three dimensional world and beyond through its relationship with my Root, my place of creation and while this probably sounds crazy or pornographic, you will just have to trust me that it is not, for it is not as limited as the experience of sexuality that many of us have chosen to have until now.

I’m not even entirely sure what I have just written but, apparently, it is “correct” and the fear has shifted.

From the unlimited ability to create within me, to the unlimited ability to create within you…

To be continued…