Chapter Sixteen Creating From Pain

CREATING FROM PAIN
OR
WHY THE BABY LOOKS EXACTLY THE WAY WE FEEL


Good morning. I just know that this is going to be a great day. I feel it all the way down to my core and I have to admit that I’m excited about the possibilities, the endless mystery that this dawning day presents. Today’s offering is really a work in progress as it represents the first time I am moved to write well before, repeat, well before I have a thorough understanding of the issue and well before, but maybe not well before, I have worked it through and incorporated the learning into my being. So, here we go…

I had an awesome day yesterday. I started out dropping my beautiful and wonderful son at school and then met my friend Kristie for coffee, which is always a joy and a treat. In the afternoon I visited with my amazing friends Sandy and Helen and we talked from that place deep within us that each of us has been reclaiming and tending and nurturing and helping to grow. And the connection was so simple and so easy and, at the same time, so deep and we just shared bits of ourselves from the mutual joy of sharing and passing on information with love and respect and with gratitude and with humility.

Later that afternoon I returned home to my husband; to the person with whom I have chosen to learn either the hardest lessons or lessons the hardest way and I started learning yet again.

Segue:
Today my lesson is not the same as the awareness being offered to you. Actually, I’m being told it’s reader’s choice. You may pick one from Column A or one from Column B, or, if you are truly ambitious today, you may choose both. Cool!
End of Segue:

I believe that I have spoken of Balance and how a truly beautiful South African Shaman named Muvo helped me to understand that we are always looking for the balance in our lives; balance between the light and the dark, the male and the female within each of us and the balance between our spirit hood and our humanity. Today, Column A represents the ability to more easily perceive when you are in or out of balance and to be much more easily able to bring yourself back into balance.

My journey today is to the place where I have been creating from Pain. At 2:00 this morning I had yet another duh! /aha! moment. As I was sitting in bed talking to, or more accurately, wrestling emotionally with my husband, I asked myself, rhetorically, why my relationships with the significant men in my life had to be so filled with pain and I realized (DUH!) it was because I have been creating from pain. I know that does not sound particularly profound or apocalyptic but you’ll just have to trust me that it hit me like the proverbial bricks. Whack, right in the face; I could have had a V-8. Like hello, you have been creating from pain, how the hell do you expect those creations to be? And I decided then and there, I AM NO LONGER CREATING FROM PAIN. Chorus: I AM NOT EVER, REPEAT, NEVER, NOT EVER CREATING FROM PAIN AGAIN. NEVER, NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT GOING TO DO IT. And I was, honestly, grateful to have this piece; to know that notwithstanding all the work I have done and the clearing I have felt and know to be true, there remains, or at least remained at 2:00 a.m. pacific time a piece of Leslie DNA still carrying the genes for creating pain.

So, our gift to any of you who have taken this ride with me today is the ability to see if and where you are carrying any seeds for growing pain in your life, any DNA or RNA carrying genes for pain creation in your life or any need to create pain or from pain. And if you are, our further gift if, and only if, you are ready to change, or when you are ready to change, is the transformation of those pain creation genes to unconditional love creation genes. I can feel this spreading through my chest as I type and I am sending it out to you through my fingers.

Now what happened to my painting yesterday makes sense. As I was digging around in it I tore the canvas and I see why I put a band-aid over the open wound and decided to leave it there. I believe I was paying homage to the pain I have created, over and over and over again, preparing to let it go. So, now I think I’m going to put band-aids all over it and then bless it and cover it with as much love as I have available to me right now; and that’s a lot.

I want to express a special thank you to my truly brave husband for taking this journey with me. I can tell you, I’m not easy. But I am pretty cute and I am going to get there and if he’s willing to stick with me, we’ll get there together. At least as of today, I’m going to enjoy the ride a whole lot more without the pain.

From that special place of unconditional love within us to that special place that needs unconditional love within you…

To be continued…