IT’S MARCH AND I’M STILL HERE!
Wow, what a month. I apologize for taking such a long break but it was necessary and I have learned a ton! Some of my circumstances have shifted radically and in others I know it’s coming. Some of the shifts I cannot discuss now because they involve other people who are still alive and would have me killed if I revealed their names or information about them (only kidding, I hope). I do promise, however, to reveal all before this blog is finished. Sitting here, I believe my last installment of this blog will be on April 1, 2010. April Fool’s Day would seem to be about the most appropriate day to move along to something(s) new.
So, what have I learned? First and foremost I have realized that while I have been giving my spirit and my spirit-hood unlimited value I have not been valuing my life. Let’s just pause for that concept and breathe into it. I have been seeing my spirit as having value but not my human life. I am told that I am not alone in that experience or creation so I will linger over it a bit longer while its essence seeps into anyone needing a wake-up call as to the value of this human existence, this life, this turn of the wheel.
The minute I realized that I had not been affording my life equal value with my spirit-hood I also realized that I love this life, with all its craziness and seeming imperfections and, yes, joy and pain, and I’m not remotely ready for it to end. And I’m just breathing into that as well and allowing it to fill me up.
The really ironic, or, I guess, perfect, thing is I have been creating and manifesting my creations almost instantly this past month. Everything I have wanted to occur has occurred. And I am really breathing into that because there is still a part of my conscious mind that cannot or will not grasp that reality (I wanted to write “concept” to further distance myself from it). Everything I have wanted to occur, has. EVERYTHING I HAVE WANTED TO OCCUR, HAS. Holy you know what!
Now, if this were a good news-bad news story or, more aptly, joke, that would have been the good news. The bad, BAD, BAD news is that the guilt and lack of worth to have everything I want from about every lifetime (and I’m assured there were many) has come bubbling up to be forgiven and healed so that I can actually enjoy my creations; my life. Let me tell you, looking at, or trying not to look at the pain I have inflicted on others for lifetimes and embodying the guilt that arises from those actions is quite a bit like childbirth without anesthetic while lying naked out in a field in the frozen tundra during a snowstorm.
So last night I came up against it and it appears to have been so bad that I would not even let myself see it in a past life regression. And I have seen a lot of bad s***! So after crying my eyes out in grief, pain, shame and contrition for what I am certain amounted to wars, pestilence and, in general, bad behavior, I decided to be willing to forgive myself. That may not sound like much, but believe me, no feel me, it’s a lot. I am willing to forgive myself. I am willing to resolve all of these energy trails and vestiges of guilt NOW, here and now, in this lifetime and for all future lifetimes. I am willing to be free of guilt. I am willing to enjoy my creation and this life without equivocation or hesitation and I am not actually feeling that exhilaration yet but for last night and for today, being willing is enough.
Our gift to me and you today is the creation of a vortex (I can’t believe I actually used the “V” word) at the base of our spines, at our root chakras, and it will act and is acting as a “drain” allowing all guilt and sadness and pain for past actions to just drain away and be healed and transformed into love. And as the pain and guilt drain out of our bodies what is being replaced is forgiveness, complete and utter forgiveness and tenderness for ourselves from ourselves-all of ourselves.
From the prayer for forgiveness within me to the hope for forgiveness within you….
To be continued……
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